Our relationship with our mother plays a huge role in shaping who we are, especially during matrescence—the transition into motherhood. While some mums provide a nurturing, safe environment, others may have a much more complicated and emotionally draining impact. If you grew up with a narcissistic mother, having a baby and experiencing the world through their eyes can really shine the light on things that weren't so great in your relationship with your own Mother.
What Are the Signs of a Narcissistic Mother?
A narcissistic mother can be difficult to recognise because, on the surface, she may appear loving and supportive. However, her behaviour often leaves you feeling confused, unloved, or even responsible for her emotional needs. Here are some common traits to watch for:
She believes she is entitled or superior to others.
Seeks constant admiration and validation.
Lacks empathy for your feelings.
Exploits her children to meet her own needs.
Often criticizes or belittles you to feel better about herself.
Is hypersensitive to any form of criticism.
Expects special treatment and can be naïve to the hurt she causes.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother can affect every aspect of your life, including your confidence, self-worth, and the way you show up as a parent yourself.
How It Affects Your Adult Life
The impact of a narcissistic mother doesn’t just disappear as you get older. It seeps into your work, relationships, and the way you approach motherhood:
High achiever but always anxious: Maybe you're successful at work because you learned early on that being "good" kept you out of trouble. Yet, you might suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, feeling like you never measure up. You’re constantly seeking approval, unable to switch off and find peace.
Low self-esteem in relationships: You might compare yourself to others, wondering why your relationships never feel quite right. Maybe you ignore red flags because you weren’t taught healthy boundaries or what love should look like. Instead, you take responsibility for other people’s bad behaviour.
The struggle to fix the relationship: You might spend your life trying to "fix" things with your mother, confused about why she treats others so well but is so harsh with you. You long for people to see the truth, making you doubt yourself when they don’t.
People-pleasing habits: If you’re constantly trying to make everyone else happy, to the point where you neglect your own needs, it’s likely tied to that childhood need to keep your mother happy. You may feel pulled in too many directions, always keeping up a happy front, afraid to be a burden to anyone.
Healing from a Narcissistic Mother
If any of this resonates, I want you to know one thing: you are not the problem. You are worthy of love, peace, and joy, even if your mother couldn’t provide that for you. Healing from a narcissistic parent is possible, and Therapy can be a powerful tool in helping you process those wounds.
As mums, we often imagine we’ll have an instant, magical bond with our children, but not everyone has that—especially if we’re carrying unresolved trauma from our own childhood. Many of our mothers didn’t have the awareness or support to process their own struggles, and it affects the way they parented us.
Understanding your mother’s past can help you gain clarity, but it’s important to remember: you don’t owe her a relationship if it’s harming your mental health. Therapy can help you set healthy boundaries. You may also be thinking about stepping away from that relationship and I want you to know this doesnt make you a bad person and its something I've supported lots of clients through. Seeking support during this process can be incredibly healing.
Breaking the Cycle
Generational trauma is real, and it can keep you stuck in patterns of anxiety, depression, and low self-worth. My work with clients often involves breaking these patterns, finding your true self, and learning how to create healthy boundaries. If you're feeling trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing or struggling to find peace in your relationship with your mother, therapy can help you shift those patterns for good.
If any of this resonated with you let's have a chat about how I can support you.
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