Learning to Trust Your Gut in Motherhood (Even When the World Is Telling You Not To)

Matrescence is a word most of us have never heard of—and honestly, it blows my mind that I didn’t come across it until my daughter was four years old. How has this concept been kept from mums when it perfectly describes one of the most life-changing experiences we’ll ever go through?

Becoming a mum isn’t just about keeping a tiny human alive. It’s a transformation so profound that it touches every part of who we are—our bodies, our identities, our relationships, and even the way we see the world.

Like most mums, I expected the practical shifts—less sleep, less time, more nappies. But no one told me how much I would change. No one told me how much I’d start to question myself. Or how loud the world would become—everywhere I turned, someone had an opinion on how I should be doing things. And the noise made it hard to hear the one voice I really needed to listen to: my own.

The First Time I Learned to Listen to My Gut

When I became a mum in 2018, I made a decision that I now know helped protect my mental health: I stopped breastfeeding after six weeks. It wasn’t working for me—or for my daughter. She wasn’t full, I was exhausted, and the pressure to keep going was pushing me towards a dark place.

What I didn’t know then (but have since discovered) is that I have hypoplastic breasts—something that affects milk production. It made so much sense in hindsight. But at the time? No one told me. Not a single midwife or health visitor ever checked. Instead, I felt judged for switching to formula—even though my daughter started thriving the moment I did.

Looking back, that decision to trust my gut—to say, “this isn’t working, and I matter too”—was the beginning of me stepping into the kind of mum I needed to be. Not the one I thought I should be.

And Then I Forgot

When I had my son during lockdown, everything changed again. I lost my way. Social media became my lifeline, but it also became my undoing. I started second-guessing every decision, parenting out of guilt, and constantly comparing myself to other mums online.

I stopped listening to my intuition and started outsourcing my confidence.

And it left me burnt out, disconnected from my partner, and completely overwhelmed.

Finding My Way Back to Me

Things only started to shift when I opened up. When I let go of the pressure to be perfect. When I admitted I was struggling and started sharing how I felt—with the right people. (Because let’s be honest: not everyone gets it, and sometimes, the people who should support us the most—like our own parents—are the ones who make us feel worse.)

But here’s what I’ve learned: when we share honestly, when we allow ourselves to feel it all instead of pushing it down, we find our way back to ourselves.

If I could go back and hug that version of me, I’d say:

“Slow down. You’re doing better than you think. Let them watch TV. Order the takeaway. Send your daughter to nursery more often. Cuddle your baby. Stop wishing this time away—it really does pass.”

What Helped Me Reconnect With My Gut

If you're in that place now—doubting yourself, comparing constantly, feeling like you're doing it all wrong—here are a few gentle tools that helped me tune back into my own voice:

📝 1. Journal Before You Google

Instead of immediately searching for what the internet says you should do, take five minutes to journal:

• How am I feeling right now?

• What would I say to a friend who felt like this?

This helps quiet the noise and bring your needs and instincts to the surface.

🤍 2. Notice the “Shoulds”

When you catch yourself thinking, “I should be doing more…” or “A good mum would…”—pause. Ask yourself:

• Who told me that?

• Does this feel true for me and my family?

Often we’re following scripts that aren’t even ours.

🌬 3. Regulate First, React Second

When we’re in fight-or-flight (which, let’s face it, is most of the early years), everything feels urgent and overwhelming. If your anxiety is spiralling, gently remind yourself:

“My body thinks I’m in danger, but I’m safe. I can take a breath and respond, not react.”

Then do something grounding—touch something cold, breathe out slowly, or step outside for a minute of fresh air.

🧠 4. Stop Outsourcing Your Confidence

You know your child better than anyone else. You might not always know what to do, but you absolutely know what feels right. Trust that. Turn down the volume on the outside world and turn up your own.

You Haven’t Lost Yourself—You’re Becoming

Matrescence isn’t just a transition. It’s a transformation. It’s messy and emotional and exhausting—but it’s also a powerful opportunity to become the most grounded, intentional version of yourself.

It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s about trusting that your gut matters—and so do you.

And if no one has told you this yet today: You’re doing an incredible job. You wouldn't be reading this if you weren't.