Let’s be honest: true vulnerability is terrifying. There’s a reason it takes time to go from thinking about therapy to actually booking a session. It’s largely because of the fear of what might happen if you drop your defences.
For many new mums navigating matrescence, these fears can feel even stronger. You may wonder:
Will I be able to pick myself up after sharing my deepest feelings?
Can I stay in this relationship?
Will my friends and family still accept me if I reveal the parts of myself I’ve been ashamed of?
Will they think Im making a fuss or Im not a good Mum.
Everyone has problems, I dont need to burden them with mine.
So many of us grew up in homes where we didn’t feel loved when we showed difficult emotions. Over time, we learned to hide them because it seemed like the only way to be more lovable. I’m so grateful to my therapist for helping me see that I’m actually more lovable when I’m open about the hard parts of motherhood. She helped me realize that the beliefs I was carrying were my parents’ issues, not mine.
Therapy allows you to share your darkest secrets with someone whose life purpose is to listen and understand you. It can be truly life-changing—especially when navigating matrescence, which can feel isolating and left me feeling disconnected from my old life. Having someone support me as I figured out what my new life could look like is something I’ll always be grateful for.
The Life-Changing Power of Sharing Your Shame
When I started therapy, the most transformative moment was when I finally shared my shame, and my therapist didn’t react as I feared. She didn’t stop caring about me. Instead, she helped me see that my thoughts and feelings weren’t as terrible as I’d made them out to be. It was such a relief. For the first time, I had the strength to share the hard parts of myself with my loved ones without feeling judged.
Instead of bottling up my emotions until I exploded over something small, I learned to process them in real-time. This change stopped me from feeling misunderstood or unappreciated. Instead, I began to feel supported—and this shift was crucial for me as a new mum juggling so much.
We’ve all had moments when we lost our temper over something trivial, like an overflowing bin or a cup left out, because we weren’t equipped to communicate what was really going on. Often, these reactions are linked to unresolved feelings from our childhood or early attachments, and many of us have never fully addressed them.
Why Vulnerability Feels So Difficult for Mums
If you grew up in a home where emotions were dismissed, or if your parents were reactive, you might have learned early on that others don’t have the capacity to deal with your feelings. If no one apologized when they hurt you, you might have come to believe that your emotions were a burden. As mums, we can carry these beliefs into adulthood, thinking we must hide our feelings to be loved. It’s no wonder we feel scared of vulnerability.
But the truth is, learning to be vulnerable can be empowering, especially during matrescence. Opening up and addressing old wounds can transform not only how we feel about ourselves but also how we connect with others.
The Impact of Vulnerability on Relationships
I often work with the partners of men who struggle with vulnerability. These aren’t violent men, but they’ve been taught to suppress their emotions. As a result, they react minimally to major life events, only to explode over minor inconveniences. Spilled drinks or misplaced items can cause meltdowns because they’re already at a breaking point.
Unfortunately, their partners—often mums themselves—are left walking on eggshells, managing not only their own emotions but also their partner’s emotional dysregulation. These women come to me feeling overwhelmed because their partner won’t go to therapy.
“It won’t help,” they say. But it can help. When men finally open up in therapy, they realise just how much they’ve been holding in, and it feels like a weight is lifted. Vulnerability, though difficult, is the key to healing—both for mums and their partners.
If this resonates with you, let’s arrange a consultation to discuss how therapy could help you navigate matrescence.
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