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When Positivity Keeps You Stuck: Why It’s Okay to Trust Your Gut Over Positive Thoughts

Writer's picture: Natasha NyekeNatasha Nyeke

Have You Always Been the One Who Tries to See the Bright Side?


Do you tell yourself things like:


  • “I just need to work harder, and things will get better.”

  • “It’s fine—I’ll manage.”

  • “I should be grateful. Other people have it worse.”


Yep, that was me too. And until I went to therapy, I had no idea that those thoughts—the ones that seemed so positive—were actually keeping me stuck. The problem is, those thoughts have kept you pushing through for so long, but they’re also the reason you never get to feel truly happy. You might have even convinced yourself that no one’s that happy. My mum said it to me the other day, and I thought, OMG, if I hadn’t done the work, that would still be me.


These thoughts stop us from admitting when something isn’t working—whether it’s the constant overwhelm, the mental load, or the pressure to be everything for everyone. They were the reason why, when I was stuck at home during lockdown with a newborn and a toddler, I didn’t ask for help, even though I was drowning. I told myself it wasn’t bad enough, and I still regret that. Because when I think about those early days with my son, I missed so much of the magic because I couldn’t just say, This is too much. I made it so much harder than it needed to be.


We waste so much time trying to hold everything together, trying to stay positive. But if deep down, it feels like you’re on the verge of falling apart, you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re exhausted from trying to do it all and yet still feel guilty for not doing enough, I get it.

Here’s the truth: Sometimes, those automatic positive thoughts aren’t helping—they’re keeping you from acknowledging how hard things really are. I say this as someone who’s in the middle of a 28-day gratitude practice and is the biggest optimist, but I only got here by accepting that on the hard days, if I don’t get the overwhelming thoughts out of my head, they will eat me alive. They will become all-consuming. If we don’t get help—especially when we’re sleep-deprived or feeling lost in matrescence—we will catastrophise, generalise, and start believing that everything is going wrong. These thoughts make you second-guess yourself, stay in situations that drain you, and ignore your instincts. That’s why it feels so hard to trust yourself—because you’ve learned to drown out your gut with a constant stream of “It’s fine.”





Learning to Trust Yourself Again


What if you didn’t need to spin everything into something positive? What if, instead, you could trust your gut when it tells you something isn’t right?

True strength doesn’t come from pretending things are fine—it comes from knowing when they aren’t and trusting yourself to make changes anyway. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel what you’re really feeling, without guilt.

It’s okay to admit that something isn’t working. It’s okay to put yourself first. And it’s okay to believe that you deserve better than just pushing through.


I saw the most perfect quote earlier which I immediately sent to a client I've been working with who says she just doesn't know what her gut is saying....The moment your gut says no-its a no. You can unpack the details later.


My Approach: Realistic and Compassionate Support for Mums


I help mums like you learn how to quiet that inner critic, tune into what they truly need, and stop living life on autopilot. You don’t have to keep pushing through—you can start showing up for yourself in a way that feels good, not just good enough.

Unlike others who offer one-size-fits-all advice, I bring both professional expertise and personal experience to the table. I understand what it’s like to feel overwhelmed by the mental load of motherhood, to battle mum guilt, and to struggle with that endless pressure to do more. That’s why my approach is different—it’s realistic, manageable, and tailored for busy mums who don’t have time for complicated solutions.

Together, we’ll work on silencing those unhelpful voices, reconnecting with who you are, and finding the confidence to create a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more you.


Where to Start: One Small Step at a Time


If you’re tired of feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and doubting yourself at every turn, I’d love to help. Here’s one simple step you can take today:


Plan 30 minutes this week to just be.


Sit quietly, without distractions, and let yourself feel whatever comes up. This might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to always being busy. But giving yourself space to think and feel is the first step to trusting yourself again.

What I would actually suggest is booking yourself a facial or a massage—something deeply relaxing. And if your first thought is I don’t like a massage, I promise that’s exactly why you need one. You need to get comfortable listening to how you feel, however uncomfortable the thoughts may be. If those thoughts feel really harsh, that’s confirmation that you might need to speak to someone—so book a call, and let's have a chat. [link]

Remember, you don’t have to do it all perfectly—you just have to show up, be kind to yourself, and take one step at a time. That’s how real change happens.


Ready to take the first step towards trusting yourself again?


I know how hard it is to let go of the need to be everything for everyone, to be vulnerable, and to admit, No, I actually haven't got all my ducks in a row. I can’t do it all. But I promise, when you finally open up to the right people, you’ll realise you’re not failing—you’re learning. Navigating the messy middle is so much easier when you don’t have to pretend everything is okay.


Start small—one step at a time. You don’t have to figure it out alone.


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